I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
