Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
