Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
