No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
