even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize