is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
