i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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