This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
