Pass out mid-funnel last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize