ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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