Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
