this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
