I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
