shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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