He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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