yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
