she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
