he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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