White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
