i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
