so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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