She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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