i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
