I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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