epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
