He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
