You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
