You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize