Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
