You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize