Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
