Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
