you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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