sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
