It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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