Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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