That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
