is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
