Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
