why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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