I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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