you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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