hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
