Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
