My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
