i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
