She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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