"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
