Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
