I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
