He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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