Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
