I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
