Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
