Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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