We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
