True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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