Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
