How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
