Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
