And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
