My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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