She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize