Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
