one two three fourrrrnication!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
