I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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