1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
