I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
