look no pants
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
