THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
