im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
