I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
