He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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