It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
