Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
