you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
