Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
