Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
