I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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