I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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