Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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