Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
