you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
