no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize