the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
