I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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