I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
