So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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